“This video can’t be real, right?”
That’s the only I thing that kept going through my head as I watched the above clip, promoting this weekend’s “SlapFIGHT: Titans Clash” event. Someone who goes by the name “Big Gulp,” supposedly a retired MMA fighter and Brazilian jiu-jitsu practitioner (Editor’s note: doubtful), is leading off the card against “Bayou Bastard” in a slapping contest billed as a “Superfan Showdown.”
What. The. F-ck.
I kept waiting for the punchline to be delivered. I assumed that perhaps this was some skit put together for a variety show – maybe a follow up to Key & Peele’s legendary “Ultimate Fighting Goes to the Next Level” or “Boxing Press Conference.”
But no, this is actually an event happening this weekend, according to the video’s description:
Press Event to announce our thirteenth SlapFIGHT Event, ‘TITANS CLASH.’ This video presser from an undisclosed location includes all of your favorite American Slap Fighters in face offs with their August 27th opponents. Don’t miss this incredible Underground Event, LIVE on FITE!
That’s right. For the low, low price of just $9.99, you, too, can become a part of this SlapFIGHT world. Here’s more information, direct from their press release:
The Co-Main is a Super Heavyweight title fight between Hardcore Hillbilly and Solid Slug. Three Heavyweight Feature Fights will see The Crow vs. Frank the Tank, Young James vs. Coach Killa and The Italian Massacre vs Baby Ray. The over-the-top Undercard has a Lightweight Feature Fight between The Guardian and BezerkD.
An ancient martial art known as shimudo? A special guest presentation model who just happens to be a slapfight champion? Walkout music by Lucid Parradoxx? Guest commentary from some dude named Charlie?
I’ll say it again: What. The. F-ck.
Yet by the time headliner “Darius the Destroyer” showed up slapping the sh-t out of people ahead of his rematch with “Wolverine,” I realized I had just watched this entire – and entirely ridiculous – promo video.
“There’s something about this wild sport and its much larger than life personalities that is definitely grabbing Americans,” FITE CMO Kim Hurwitz stated.
I’m not sure exactly what that says about us as a country, but I think I’m about to find out what happens if I try and add a SlapFIGHT pay-per-view charge to my next expense report.
The Blue Corner is MMA Junkie’s blog space. We don’t take it overly serious, and neither should you. If you come complaining to us that something you read here is not hard-hitting news, expect to have the previous sentence repeated in ALL CAPS.
‘Big Gulp’ vs. ‘Bayou Bastard’? What the hell is this, and why can I not stop watching?
