Rogan Will Train Musk For Putin Death Match

Tech billionaire Elon Musk recently challenged Russian President Vladimir Putin to “single combat” with the winner deciding the fate of Ukraine, because war can be a great way for rich people to promote themselves on social media.

And if Musk somehow finagles a fracas with the former Taekwondo black belt, UFC color commentator Joe Rogan will be there to train him. Let’s face it, one kick like this and puny Putin will be sent into orbit like a Starlink satellite.

“Elon Musk is a strange character,” Rogan said on his podcast. “He’s a very big man. He’s not small. Putin is smaller than me. Elon is quite a bit bigger than me. Elon is probably 6’2” and he’s big, he’s a big guy. I offered my services. I texted him. I said, ‘Dude, I will arrange all your training.’ I go, ‘If you really do fight Putin, I will arrange all your training.”

Rogan is more than just a UFC mouthpiece. The former Fear Factor host was a four-time Massachusetts Taekwondo champion in his youth and has also been training Brazilian jiu-jitsu and Muay Thai for most of his adult life.

“According to [Musk], he had some match with a world champion sumo wrestler back in the day for fun, and he fucked his neck up, like, throwing this guy outside of the ring,” Rogan continued. “But he actually defeated some world champion sumo wrestler.”

“Managed to throw him, but it cost me smashing my c5-c6 disc and eight years of mega back pain,” Musk wrote on Twitter. “Finally fixed with c5-c6 disc fusion.”

I’m not sure it qualifies as a legitimate sumo win unless both participants were strapped into those big ugly diapers, the kind Anthony Johnson and Curtis Blaydes wore a few years back in Miami. Then again, Musk might have just dreamt the whole thing up during his blunt force trauma on The Joe Rogan Experience.