He Wasn’t Flashing, He Just Had Meat In His Shorts

Photo by Waltraud Grubitzsch/picture alliance via Getty Images

I keep my meat in the fridge, but to each his own, I guess.

Of all the excuses someone could dream up when accused of flashing, there’s probably none worse than, “I was trying to take meat from my shorts.”

Pretty sure that’s what flashing is, my man.

“I left the house and was about to enter the car, (and) this guy on a bicycle exposed himself,” Brave CF strawweight Maria Ribeiro told MMA Fighting. “A million things crossed my mind in 10 seconds. We had three kids playing in the front yard all the time; my brother goes to work, and there’s only women and 3- and 4-year-old kids at home every day. Imagine what happens if this guy shows up?”

Ribeiro and two other women were leaving her home to go grocery shopping in Sinop, Mato Grosso, Brazil, but quickly abandoned those plans in favor of chasing down the alleged flasher, who neighbors shockingly referred to as “weird.”

“I jumped out of the car and started running barefoot after him,” Ribeiro continued. “He started screaming that he was innocent, that he hadn’t done anything, that he was trying to take a piece of meat from his shorts. I slapped him, punched him, took him down. My friends held me when he was bloodied on the floor, so we called the police and he was arrested.”

Leslie Smith would be proud.